The Skinny on Jeans

 Looking ahead to the upcoming holiday parties and outdoor festivities, I decided it was time to once again become fashion savvy. It has been awhile since I have looked for jeans. My daily life either requires me to wear a swimsuit, yoga pants,leggings or other athletic attire. I rarely wear jeans. I miss them. The 4 or so pairs of jeans I have in my closet are fading and a bit dated. I didn't know how outdated really until my shopping adventure. I am so not in the loop. Actually, no where close to even entering the loop.

My search for the perfect pair began last month. As I browsed several different top brand stores I realized that jeans nowadays are a bit different. A bit expensive. And they certainly have evolved over time. I use to wear bell bottom jeans from Sears in grade school, Gloria Vanderbilt pin stripe jeans in junior high, cuffed Levi's jeans in high school, ripped second hand store jeans in college, and only Gap jeans post college/early years of marriage.

While shopping I was overwhelmed at the different brand names. I noticed Lucky jeans, Diesel jeans, True Religion jeans, Hudson jeans and 7 For All Mankind jeans.  The styles were confusing. It use to be straight leg or easy fit as I recall. But now, there are the boy cut, the boot cut, the flare, the rocker, the flynt, the A pocket, even something called the dojo. One I did see  that caught my eye was the skinny jean. Does that mean you will look skinny wearing them or you have to be skinny to wear them?

The skinny jean, even in my double digit size, that if you round to the nearest 10 is almost an 8, looked small. Very refreshing. It came attached with promises to lift what needed lifted and flatten what needed flattened. The sales lady even said they may run big. Either very promising or she was good at sales. Sign me up and send me to the dressing room. I brought in three pairs, a size smaller just in case, a just right size for sure to fit, and a larger size to put on and say , "Oh that is way too big. " This calculated regimen I have found can temporarily build up the self confidence.

I started with the smaller size. Well, that didn't work so well for me. I was able to pull them up mid-thigh at best. I peeled them off, it was a pipe dream anyways. Next the just right size. I pulled them on slowly, twisting and jumping a bit, until I had cleared the thigh area and was able to button them up. This is where things became ugly fast. I realized the skinny jean was not made of a nice forgiving cotton blend. It apparently was made with 90% Lycra and 10% shrink wrap. Wow! The heat from by body, that had built up during the donning of the jeans,  was causing some type of suction powered reaction. They molded to my thighs like plastic wrap near a flame. I knew I was in trouble. I had to get them off. I sat down, I stood up, I jumped, I stood on one leg, I twisted and I turned circles peeling away those skinny jeans. I called Converse on the cell phone and told him I may need his pocket knife. I am going to end up on Utube! After several minutes, they released once past my thighs. I sat in silence. The sales clerk, asked if I needed a different size. I thought, no, but I might need legal counsel.I could very well claim undue suffering and emotional trauma. I did not try on the bigger size for fear of a repeat episode.

So that night, I left without any jeans.I am lucky to be free of the jeans I had tried on. My self confidence was bruised. I went home and put on another pair of black lounge pants and a comfy sweatshirt. Maybe I will follow the mass crowd and wear a sweater with leggings to the next  holiday party. Fashion savy without the drama. I guess I will have to resort to desperate measures to find the perfect pair of jeans.......

Dear Santa Clause,
Do you have any GAP jeans left from 1994? If not, all I want for Christmas is a new pair of cotton blend jeans that are stylish, comfortable and under 50.00. A magical size 6 would be fab!
Peace.
The "New Balance" Girl

Running Report: Winter has stayed away as I have been able to run outside still without ice or snow. Kind of strange. Trying to stay up on mileage to build on it come January. I like just running and  taking it at my own pace. Maybe that is why I do not fit into skinny jeans.